Digidestined Abduction
by Crimson 408
Summary: Taito, Daiken, and Sora bashing All the boys inspect Yama's butt, Davis picks his nose, Izzy has a breakdown, Mimi gets creepy and Joe wears a pink tutu Definately not your average fic..
1. Inexplicable

**Disclaimer:** No I don't own flying sushi plates, er, I mean Digimon...

A/N Isn't it scary, **me** of all people deciding to write a **humor** fic! Mwahahahahah!

To anyone who missed the small writing under the title before clicking on it, this story is **NOT** for Sora fans.

My excuse for this fic is, *sugar* Yes sugar! And lots of it!!! There's major Sora bashing, literally (yay) and there will be Taito in later chapters (double yay) Be warned, this is VERY disturbing and contains WAY too much stupidity! This isn't a very descriptive fic, just something to get rid of my hyperness. You'll probably find that you'll ask yourself more than once '_what the friggin heck is going on!?!_,' well, uh, don't ask me, even I don't understand what goes on in my mind ^^;;

So if you have some strange phobia about spaceships, are a homophobe or like Sora then uh… it's not a good idea to read… 

**Digidestined Abduction** _By Angel of Evil._

Chapter 1 Inexplicable

"So who can explain to me why we're standing in a corn field, 9 o' clock at night, doing well, absolutely nada?" Yamato coolly questioned no one in particular brushing his fingers through his hair. They all shrugged and stood beside one another awkwardly.

The huddled group of Digidestined, doing, as Matt put it, absolutely nada, except Davis who stood about picking his nose, unexpectedly hear a loud buzzing from above. They make no attempt to find out what the sound is, and still, continue to do nothing, except Davis who had stopped picking his nose to look up at something in the new formed mist.

"Cool! Hey guys look it's a uh..."

"Davis, don't speak," Yolei frowned swatting the loud, abhorrent boy with her left hand.

"Oks!" 

"Ken's gone back to being Kaiser again hasn't he?" Tai sighed simply. The group of children and adolescents looked up to study the strange unidentified object. Several gasps of astonishment broke into the air for the glowing entity.

"Somehow I don't think that's Ken's!" Sora managed to mutter. He arched a brow at the annoying whiny voice.

"Who told you to speak?" 

BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

"It's a space ship!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Daisuke, Taichi and Mimi all cried jointly.

"Nah! It's a giant flying sushi plate," Joe said sarcastically humoring them on their intelligence, or rather lack of it.

"Wow! Really?" Mimi gasped, Joe simply shook in head in pity. 

"…Yes Mimi, and is was made in a giant flying sushi plate company."

"It's almost as big as Matt's butt!" Davis cracked, now laughing diabolically. Yamato's head jerked at the statement.

"See, it's as for those comments that I tell you not to speak," Yolei ridiculed. Davis snorted, then lowered his head shamefully.

"What butt?" Tai asked confused tilting his head to a side, observing carefully the blondes rear.

"Since when did Yamato have a bottom?" Izzy queried.

"Haha! You said bottom!" Davis cracked again. 

"You've been staring at Matt's arse?" Yolei questioned worriedly, "oh wait. My fault. You **_are_** staring at Matt's arse."

"Ah, but how can I be staring at what may not be there?" Tai profoundly rationalized.

"Don't be such a smart ass Tai!" Mimi scoffed.

"Yes, please discontinue being such an intelligent bottom Tai," Koushiro agreed.

"Hehe! He said, bottom, again! bwa!" Yolei thumped the moron on the head for the second time.

Yamato sweat dropped, "can we please end the discussion on my butt?"

"Yeah, he does too have a-" Sora began.

"I'm sure Matt has a lovely ass," Tai finished for her and looked up again.

"What do you mean 'I'm sure'? You stared at it long enough!" Yamato yelled on the verge of insanity. Tai blushed scarlet and hid himself behind Jyou. "Tai, I can see your hair..." 

"Damn!"

"We're about to be abducted by aliens here!!!!" Iori screamed.

"What? You mean Kari and T.K here too?" he asked dumbly, scratching his head.

"No dumb ass," Matt cried thumping him around the head too.

"Ow!!!"

"Wait, I'm confused, wasn't he a smart ass a moment ago?" Daisuke issued confusedly.

"Who said the word 'ass' **again**?" Yolei growled, visibly ready to bash the living daylights out of anyone who owned up. They all were too busy looking up at the strange buzzy thingy in the sky to notice though. All except bewildered Daisuke. He now had yet another, extremely important issue on his mind.

"Where are TM and Kari any how?" he asked, expression twisted in worry.

" I saw them doing some strange ritual in the den," Patamon informed impassively, then farted.

"What kind of strange ritual?" Davis screamed grabbing the smelly, little batpig with both hands. This caused more gas to erupt from the squished batpig. 

Mimi took her interest away from the sky to the small digimon that was turning blue in Davis's grip.

"Oooo! Pwetty!"

"Even prettier if someone puts a match near it ass," grinned Tai.

Yamato laughed. "Yeah, then we get fireworks!" Mimi began squealing excitedly and clapping her hands.

"Did I hear **that **word again?!" 

Yolei's enraged growl was ignored, well unnoticed, because everyone was so observant.

"You're squeezing my liver!" Patamon screeched in a high-pitched voice that only dogs could hear.

"Ow, can anyone else hear that! My ears!" Sora let out covering both sides of her head.

Davis let go of him quickly because Sora's whiny voice made his ears hurt too.

"Back to the aliens please?" Iori's small voice commanded politely.

"Huh? I still can't hear, what was that Cody?"

"Arrrgh! Shut up! You're making me go deaf too!" Davis shouted using his goggles as ear muffs. Sora pouted and obliged.

Mimi, looking rather perplexed, picked up the smelly, small winged creature with both hands, "so... what were they doing in a den at 9p.m? You know. Two young teens? Alone? Together? With lots of raging teenage hormones? In the den, together? Alone..."

The digimon stared up at her with disconcert, "you're really not that smart are you?"

"Well, now that you mention it..."

"Look! I'm not looking forward to being probed up the ass because you want Patamon to tell about Kari and T.K making out!!!" Joe shot trembling. Mimi's mouth gaped open and she dropped Patamon to the floor. Another parp was heard.

"THEY DID WHAT???!!!" Tai and Davis chorused.

"That's it! Who said ASS??? Own up you bastard!" Yolei screamed with all her breath, her face blaring a very heated red.

"Did someone just swear?" Joe asked looking around. 

"Negative, I heard zilch."

Joe tutted, "Koushiro, I'm disappointed. What kind of an intellectual word is _zilch_. Please reword your sentence!" Izzy moped a little.

"I under no circumstance perceived reverberation of any nature?" he ruptured, Joe nodded with approval.

"That's the one!"

Mimi narrowed her eyes, "ok... um, I'm gonna listen to the guy fight. It's way more interesting then the nerd wars..."

"That is acceptable for us."

"Satisfactory Koushiro! That is _**satisfactory**_ for us!"

"Why yes, of course."

Mimi eyes widened. "Eeep!" 

"Well moving on, or back, me and Dai over there were in the central of yelling," Tai repressed annoyed.

"Oh, we're sorry. You may continue."

"_**Prolong**_ Izzy! Geesh! You may prolong!" Joe cried bashing his head on a lamppost, that suddenly emerged...

"Shall we?" Tai nodded to Davis.

"THEY DID WHAT???!!!" Tai and Davis chorused. Again.

"Made out," Mimi reminded stupidly. 

"Oh grow up, we've all done it!" Matt stated. Everyone turned around in surprise. 

Tai fainted.

"Well done Matt you killed the hairball!" said Mimi folding her arms.

"But we have!" He protested.

"Umm, guys. The spinney thing's opening," Cody croaked.

"Who with?" Sora demanded.

"Tai of coarse!" He answered coolly as ever, acting as if it were **soooo** obvious. Sora collapsed.

"There goes another one…" Joe sighed.

"Dropping like flies," Izzy added.

"It was a joke!" Matt quickly defended, sounding **_ very_** unconvincing. 

"Hello? Green, egg heads about to kidnap us here?" Cody reminded. "With long probing sticks to put up our bu-"

"Don't even try it shrimp boy!" Yolei warned her eyes now glaring an unsightly crimson. Iori whimpered then slowly crawled backwards. 

"Matt you son of a-" Sora began until she was rudely interrupted. 

"Oh great, she has arisen from the dead!" Mimi snarled, until the other girl turned to her. "Darn you, you said you couldn't hear!" 

"I can, just barely." 

"Sora has rabies!!!" 

"I heard that Davis." 

"Chikuso!" Cursed the obnoxious, goggle wearing brunette. 

"Can we please get back to that thing over there?" 

"Oh, what the spaceship?" Joe asked. 

"I meant Sora, remember she was in the middle of cursing treacherous words at me?" Matt interrupted with a roll of his eyes, both hands placed elegantly on his hips. 

"Stupid Sora getting us in trouble," muttered Mimi with a sulk, her arms folded and stomped on the ground like a five year-old in a tantrum. 

Sora pulled a face at the girl with pink hair that was acting like a complete buffoon.

"Don't **DO** that!!! Your face scares me enough as it is!" Mimi shrieked shielding her poor, poor innocent eyes.

"MY face? Why!? You're one to tal-"

"Oh shut up!" Mimi cried, blaring her hand out in front of Sora's face to silence her. "**WHATEEEEEEVVVVVEEEEER**!"

Everyone forgets about what's about to happen to them all, to stare at Mimi. They all sweat drop, then look back up again.

"Where'd Matt go?" Davis cried scratching his head. Everyone now begin swerving their heads round like mad.

"I'll teach him to run away while I'm having a argument with him," Sora promised angry.

"Why Sora, please could you kindly, shut up!" Izzy yelled with huge scary black eyes shimmering in the darkness of the night. Suddenly a puddle appeared under Cody.

"He's...one...of..t-them!"

"Huh? One of who?" Cody was shaking too violently to be able to answer Davis's dumb question. "Dude! You wet your pants!"

"Ew!" Mimi screeched pointing to the mess. 

"I feel funny," Sora quivered. 

Yolei looked down her body for no apparent reason, to see she had no feet. "WTF!!"

"Hehe, I gots no legs!" Davis grinned. 

Matt looked down too, "Yeah and I have no as-"

"Feet!" Yolei repeated enabling the boy to finish. The blonde looked at her with arched brows. 

"Yeeeeeeees... I **was** going to say that, wasn't I?" 

Davis began to frown. "Wait. I thought Matt disappeared... I'm all confuuuuuuuzed again!" 

"Where is he?" Sora cried quickly, but it was too late, he was gone yet again... 

"Now I'm really confused." 

"Davis, that kinda like the story of your life ne?" Yolei mocked. 

"We're disappearing people!" Jyou screamed in a shrill, girly, voice. Everyone's bodies rapidly faded away into nothingness.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A/N Well that was fun ^ ^

If I do decide to continue the next chapter will involve Jyou in a tutu... no comment....

Hehe. To anyone that hasn't run away. REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!!! ^_^;;

**Davis:** Joe? Tutu?

**Angel of Evil: **Yup ^_~

**Davis:** Is Ken gonna wear a tutu? 

**Angel of Evil:** Erm o_O noooooooooo...

**Davis: **Whaaat! Aw damn! ;_;

**Matt:** I do too have a butt! And a very pert one at that! -_-''

**Angel of Evil:** We weren't talking about you're butt Yama. Davis was just letting me in on some of his sexual fantasies with Ken-Chan ^_^

_Davis runs away._

**Matt:** 6_6

**Angel of Evil: **(mischievous glint in eyes) Ohhhhhhh Kennnnnnnnn!!!


	2. In the Giant, Flying Sushi Dish

**A/N**  ^_^' and so the insanity continues… 

Why do I bother to continue this oddity of a story? Well it's a change of angst… heh, Jyou in a tutu ^_^ Here comes bashing, and more of the weirdness. I was still high, enough said.

****

**Digidestined Abduction** _By Angel of Evil._

Chapter 2 In the Giant, Flying Sushi Dish _(space ship)_

"Cool, I always wanted to be invisible," Davis cried bouncing around in hysteria.

"And we always wanted you to disappear," Yolei added casually, her eyes oscillating up and down, and down and up as Daisuke jumped with joy. "Which you did..." 

"But then he reappeared," Izzy supplemented. 

"Yes, unfortunately." 

"Where are we?" He asked with pure astonishment. Cody sighed contently," Thank goodness, my urine has been vaporized." 

"Haha! He said urine!"

"Davis. Remember me telling you **not **to speak?" The boy shrugged, and continues to bounce insanely.

Patamon's little orange face smudged all up like one of those stress relievers everyone loves to squeeze until they burst. 

"What now?!" Joe groans.

"Sorry, I kinda farted," Davis blushed. "Sorry Batpig!"

"Grooooooooooooss!" Joe squealed in a high-pitched girl's voice. 

"Dude! Did your voice just break?"

"I need to go!" Patamon winced.

"Perfect timing," Mimi said, her voice full with sarcasm.

"It's not my fault, blame my bladder," he howled, "and if Goggles over here hadn't squeezed the hell out of me I might have been able to keep it in a little longer," he growled bobbing up and down with the excess weight. Davis groaned.

"This place is huge," Cody managed to whisper through his shock. The goggle boy agreed nodding and grinning and having stopped jumping up and down like a loony. 

"Wow that's a relief, I feel so dizzy," says Yolei pleased rubbing her eyes.

He struts back and fourth with his hands behind his neck whilst everyone else except the floating batpig was sat on the floor.

Cody smiles, "I've never seen such a surreal place before."

"Yeah, just don't wet your self over it!" Mimi adds.

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhh! I **really **have to go!!!"

"You kinda look like a mini blimp. But with wings. And a tail. Oh and two blue eyes…" Mimi thought out loud, and then when everyone looked at her with raised brows she simultaneously added, "hey Davis was the one who farted!"

"Yup that's why were all staring, we're all concerned because we thought you farted," Izzy scorned with sarcasm.

"That's what I thought," she smiled. Everyone sweat dropped again.

"Can't we just hand him over to the aliens, T.J. won't have to know about it, and I know I'm not gonna miss him," Davis pleaded with the others temptingly.

"T.J.? I heard you calling him T.K. for the past 2 weeks!" Joe cries confused.

"You heard nothing, you got it?" he threatens grasping Joe's shirt collar ruthlessly. Joe blinks.

"Yup, everything's okay dokay!" he shakes attempting to smile with trembling lips.

"Are you wearing lipstick?"

Matt, appearing out of no where, like everything in this story does, obviously missed the entire Joe and Davis scenario thing and had only heard Daisukes first comment.

"If you want to die this minute you can, that's my brother, TK's, damn batpig your talking 'bout destroying so easily. And what would happen if he found some remains? Then who would be grounded by dad for the rest of his life?! You need to think ahead see, ahead, there has to be no evidence!" sneers Matt crazily his arms flaring about. "No evidence I tell you!" Davis slowly backs away from his crazy friend with both hands in the air. 

That being not at all what was expected from _caring, loving, big brother_ Yamato, everyone turns to him looking very concerned.

"Somebody! Phone the nuthouse!" Daisuke exclaims.

"We're on a spaceship," Izzy reminds him whacking his across the head.

"Ow. Ever come across something called a joke?"

"Well actually no, never has this word called 'joke' been said to me before. Is it offensive?"

"Umm, you have issues..."

Izzy hangs his head, "I'm a failure."

"Remind to get a councillor for Izzy," Matt said.

"And someone remind him to get one for himself too," frowned Yolei. She thumps Izzy around the head.

"Ow pain! What may I ask was that for?!"

"Only **I **am allowed to thump the moron!" she sneered smugly. 

"Yeah bottom boy!" Yolei whacks Davis, "ooooooooooooouch!!!"

"I warned you about talking."

Sora unfortunately spots Matt, appearing also out of nowhere, and immediately glomps him. Both are standing directly on top of Taichi's unconscious body. 

"That's if I don't die first." He shoves Sora off causing her to wail like a two-year-old, or like Mimi. Matt simply looks down at her silently muttering, 'Baby', under his breath.

"Anyone got any water?" asks Davis.

"No need, in a moment we'll be flooded with her tears, they're gushing waterfalls," Yolei snarls in reply.

Patamon winces unbearably "I **_really_** need to _goooo_!" 

"Well if you must, do it on Tai's face, that should wake him up," suggests Izzy moderately amused, Matt steps off  his best friends body. Everyone turns to watch the unconscious mop of intense brown hair on the floor. Patamon flew above his head slowly. 

"WHAAAAAT! I'm awake, see I'm awake!" He cried shooting up whooping the small winged creature far away with his huge hair. "Cool, big hair is a **poooowerful** weapon!"

"Sora we don't need the background music," Yolei screamed slapping her around the face. Sora gasped cradling her cheek, which was now reddened. 

"Wahoo, you go girlfriend. You shut her up good!" Joe celebrates.

"Ok Jyou, I'm becoming rapidly concerned about you. First there's the s_quealing like a girl_, then there's the _shrieking like a girl_, and now there's..._this_..." Yamato states.

"Hey Joe, when did you put the pink tutu on?!" Davis takes a step back.

"I-I... don't know..."

"Oh you're **soooo** observant aren't you!" Yolei cries with sarcasm.

"Well what are you then! You all only just noticed too!!!"

"Oh _yeeeeah_..."

"If I didn't know any better I'd say Joe is turning into..."

**_Dun dun dun!_**

"Me!" Mimi finishes with a small squeal.

"I'm afraid she may be correct."

"Please say it isn't so Izzy!" Joe pleads, tears rimming his eyes.

"But you're **wearing **a pink **tutu!**" Iori shudders.

"Yay! I can give you makeovers, and we can go shopping together, squeee! It'll be so fun!"

"Please kill me."

"Matt," Sora interrupts through sniffles, " aren't you go to say anything, Yolei just hit me!" 

"We were just in a very intriguing conversation about Joe's sexuality!" Izzy fumes. 

"But Yamato!" 

He lets out a long sigh then mutters "all right" to her.

"Yolei please don't hit Sora," he grumbled.

Sora grinned stupidly to show off. She then leaped over to him and crushed him with a forceful hug. 

He felt like he was going to puke.

"You don't hit right, see, you do it like…**THIS**!" He cried whacking her across the shiny silver floor with a gigantic force.

"Wow!!! I'm in the mood for some baseball!" Tai cried. "Can I join in too?"

"And me!" Davis squeals _(A/N there's a lot of this isn't there ^^)_ running over gleefully "Don't forget **meeeee**!"

"Did you guys just see that, he hit me? Does no one care?" She sobbed. There was a silence. Then it was interrupted.

"Hell no!" Tai laughed.

Joe blinks, "I'm wearing a pink tutu…"

"Guys?" She whispered tears streaming down her confused face.

"**SHUT UP**!!!" They all screamed at her angrily at the identical time. After that response she flung herself to the cold floor howling her heart out.

"Hey I know, lets hold her nose while the batpig hovering over there does his business down her throat!" Matt shouted his fist in the air ready.

"Yay!" Mimi cheered.

"At last, a laboratory worthy of my urine," Patamon nodded in approval.

Sora's eyes enlarge with absolute terror as the entire group of Digidestined, well almost the entire group of Digidestined (and a hovering batpig) edged closer.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

_Will Jyou Kido become a blue haired Mimi in a tutu? Will anyone say the words **arse, ass, butt, or **_**bottom**_ again? Is Ken, TK or Kari going to have any part in this fic? And most importantly, who abducted the Digidestined? _

**How the hell should I know?! **_Find out in the next episode of whatever I decided to name this insane fic._

A/N I think… I've scared myself ^_=;; 

**REVIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW!!!!**

**Tai:** Do what she says, she's threatening to make me do **wrong **things to Matt. 

**Angel of Evil:** O_o Er… no I'm not….

**Tai:** ^_^;; 

**Angel of Evil: **Mwahahahaha! WHO WANTS TO HEAR TAI'S HENTAI FANTASY!!!

**Tai: **Oh crap! 

**Matt:** Is there something I should know? *^-^*

**Angel of Evil:** You make Tai horny…

**Matt: **O_O ohhhhh…

**Tai:** No he doesn't, he just turns me on, oops… *_*

**Ken:** Tai-san!! Did you steal my whip?! =_=

**Tai:** Umm… ^^;;****

_*~xxx~*Ja ne*~xxx~*_


End file.
